It’s March! and other shits.

Holy shit time actually flies it’s not even funny.

It is already the second week of march and my productivity level is still at its minimum–this is bad, I am in dire need of help.

(I foresee this post turning into a rant-session.)

So basically, it is already march which means one month closer to the dreaded ‘A’s; bless my soul (and many other JC kids’ soul as well.)

I am seriously sick of how unproductive I am, and I am even more sick of how I easily give in to temptation. It is bloody annoying, but I lack self-discipline and I have 0 idea how to control it. Like seriously, I see my phone — I can get addicted to that shit and not touch my work that is supposed to have a higher priority in life than checking for notifications. I see that snickers bar on the coffee-table, I just grab it and eat it with absolutely no hesitation, no concern about the amount of sugar that shit contains, or how much weight I am going to add on to my existing fat self. And then complain to everybody about how fat I am like it’s part of their fucking business–it’s not; nobody cares about your concerns unless they are affected by it as well. Plain, cold reality. That’s just how it is.

I also get so annoyed by people in general, I mean honestly, I am the sort of person who would rather curl up with a book with a blanket and a cup of coffee rather than go out to party and socialise with strangers. I can still consider going out with good friends of mine, but to go out and meet new people? Nah. Not my cup of tea (haha). I am not really an introvert, at least that’s what people who know me in real life would say, it’s just that, after a while, getting to know people who are complete strangers is a process that can get tiring, and for me, I eventually get fed up. People ask too many questions, can’t understand what you are trying to say, unaware of obvious shit that is going on in the world, lack common sense, or just talk too much when you just want them to shut up. It gets annoying, and hey, I do deserve my breaks.

Now let’s take a trip to failing@life-ville and take a pit-stop at existential crisis. Why am I even here, living this life? (Okay sorry guys it is currently 1 am and I am having bizarre thoughts).

Sometimes I just get into this realisation that I actually exist to other people. Like, I am actually a real person to them, just as how they are a real person to me. It’s a completely normal thing, yet it’s so weird and peculiar as to how you’d never know how people actually view you as a person. You exist in other people’s lives, and you may not even know how important you really are to them. Well unless they show you, of course. It’s like how you see familiar strangers, you know those people who you see everyday, say, in the bus, or school, or even on some corner of the road, but you don’t even know who they are. You see them everyday, and they see you too. Fascinating, is it not?

Back to march. JC life is just so weird, time goes by at an extremely fast rate, sometimes you wouldn’t even know the date. Or maybe that’s just me. So many things happen, that are not just academically-related and honestly, I am only just some dumb teenager, obviously it is going to be difficult AF for me to maintain the scores, my mental health, my physical health, and my social life (I guess?). To all the JC kids out there who are feeling down and want to just stop doing this stupid JC thing, here’s a virtual hug *hugs*and a motivational penguin to keep you going. Good luck! Never give up; after all , this misery will be over sooner than you think 🙂

Much love and peace,

xtunamiyanax